


Oh My Love, Let Me Be Your Fire

by poeticaid



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: AU where Jason and Percy don't really know each other quite well, Delusions, Eventual Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jason-Centric, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - The Trials of Apollo, Panic Attacks, Past Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Street Fights, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, like it should be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticaid/pseuds/poeticaid
Summary: Jason Grace knows that there are other people going through something worse than him, and always kept everything to himself. Quite aware that-after Piper's breaking up with him- he's missing something in his life. Enter Percy Jackson, who had been through hell and back, and wishes him well, invoking Jason's interest in him. Maybe Percy would be the key to Jason's happiness as the blonde searches for it through smoking and recreational drug use.





	1. my songs know what you did in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> the title is Oh My Love by The Score  
> chapter 1 title is My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy

It was a night in the boarding school, which means that every single boy in the whole school would be sneaking out of the campus to buy drugs, to go to bars and clubs. Some boys were on their laptops watching porn or doing homework. Some were already sleeping, preparing for the day ahead. Some were smoking in their rooms, crying their hearts out after another panic attack.

Jason was one of them.

After a very bad dream about Thalia, his sister, dying, he swears to not sleep tonight, and goes to the bathroom to smoke and cry. He tries to forget everything by smoking or harming himself in a desperate attempt to keep him happy. He was never even happy for the past years, so why should he even try? He sighs, wiping his tears and putting his cigarette on an ashtray he borrowed from one of his classmates.

Jason looks at the self-inflicted lines on his arms and his black eye from a fight he had with an asshole in his class that Jason was too impulsive to even decline.

He stands up, his legs feeling like jelly as he opens his bathroom door to plop down on his bed. Jason wants to sleep, but once he's up, he's up. He stares at the ceiling until the morning lights intrude from his curtains. It was a weekend today, and he wants to go to Camp Half-Blood to breathe the fresh air in the barriers.

He walks to his bathroom to change his clothes, hiding his scars in a Camp Jupiter hoodie he obtained from Reyna. He puts on his glasses he only wears during class, and completely disregards them when he's having one of his depressive episodes. Jason gathers his blueprints for the gods' shrines and leaves his miserable dorm.

* * *

Jason smiles, knowing that no other camper would notice his true feelings whenever he plays the 'hero' façade at them. He goes to the Big House, where Chiron was waiting, with his warm smile. It was hard to hate the centaur, with his wise words and helpful messages. Jason smiles up at him, and that's when he notices Percy Jackson approaching him with a smirk.

"How's school?", Chiron asks warmly. Jason shrugs, remembering the bad times. There was no good time in there.

"Learning is hard, Chiron", Jason replies. "But I'm getting the hang of it."

Chiron had enrolled him to a boarding school to get his mind off of Leo Valdez, his best friend. He must be happy now, wherever he is now. The school made his already unhealthy aggravate after being exposed to fights, drugs, and smoking. He doesn't even have Piper to guide him, due to her being New Rome at the moment, and them being broken up over a few months ago.

"Have you been making friends?", Percy intervenes, and Jason stiffens a bit, but coaxes himself to relax. His life in school had been hell, and his classmates were making it worse. He doesn't even consider those who he hangs out with as _friends_ , since they only hang out to get high or smoke.

Jason forces a smile. "Of course I had."

Is lying really his solution to every of his problems? Even in his relationship with Piper, he was still secretive and hides everything with a smile and a proud stance.

Percy and Chiron furrow their brows, and Jason gulps. He didn't want them to question his relationship with his classmates.

Percy smiles, and it brightens his day for a bit. He notices that he had dark circles under his eyes, but it'd be obvious since he and Annabeth fell into Tartarus. It's obvious that they have nightmares about it every night. Jason knows that Percy Jackson isn't flawless, he has a lot of flaws, but he always feels _beneath_ Percy Jackson. He has done so many achievements in all his life, and Jason never did anything other than slaying no-name monsters and Krios and Porphyrion.

Percy stands, saying, "C'mon Jason, let's go spar."

Jason hurriedly says yes.

* * *

As Percy lands another hit, Jason growls in a wolf-like way. Jason had taken his hoodie off, exposing all his self-inflicted scars and the burns on his chest, making him feel insecure. But Percy, though full of scars, went shirtless during all their sparring matches, as always. Jason maybe troubled by the heat, but that doesn't make him a less than efficient swordsman. His body was muscled and tan, all full of white lines and faded scars, but he didn't look ashamed at all.

Percy never commented about the scars once or twice, and it was bothering Jason for months. He focuses to parry Percy as he now leads the spar. He would've won when he thought he saw _Beryl Grace_ in the trees, with that manic smile she always had in the dorms at night.

Instinctively, he throws his sword at the tree, injuring a dryad who shrieks and races towards the infirmary. Then the hallucination of Beryl Grace fades, and he is faced with a frowning Percy.

"Uh, did that dryad do anything to upset you?", he asks.

"Um, no, not at all", Jason replies, looking down at the ground, his hands on the back of his pants’ pocket. "I thought I saw _her_."

"Who?"

"My mom. Beryl Grace." Jason's lip quivers. "S-she k-keeps on visiting me i-in my f-fucking dreams, in my g-goddamn dorm, e-everywhere."

At least he only stuttered a few words and not all of them. At least he didn't scream in full volume when he saw Beryl. Jason needs to sit down, so he sits on the ground, and Percy follows suit.

Now, Jason has trouble breathing as he now starts to hallucinate the image of Beryl Grace, looming over him with her dark blonde hair messy, blue eyes dilated, her nightdress torn and disheveled. Then as if she had cloned herself, he was now surrounded with a dozen Beryl Graces, in a cold fucking night, in the woods, the wreckage of her car in the distance. Jason starts to panic as the Beryl's start to talk at the same time.

"Come on, my dear son, join your dear mother, please", they all say, and he covers his ears.

"N-No, I w-warded you off at that d-damned palace", Jason exclaims, his voice manic. "I-I fucking g-got rid of you, s-stop annoying me in my dreams! A-Anywhere and everywhere! I'm not your fucking _tool_ to get you closer to Jupiter!" He was stammering right now, backing away as she and the copies of herself start to walk towards him.

_"Jason!"_

Percy's voice seems so far away, from another dimension, as if Jason was travelling to outer space, but it was there, and Jason tries to hold on to it as the Beryl's start to come closer to them, their smiles always haunting his dreams. Jason was crying now, trying to get out of this sickening hallucination his mind loves to play for him.

_"Jason, are you with me?"_

He can't respond as he's starting to suffocate.

_"Crap, uh, name five things you can see...?"_

Huh, that's a little bit routine, always a used method for all the therapists he had put up with for the last few years. But, oh well, it helps him calm down, to make him feel _grounded_. The only thing he can see are the Beryl's all around him, the darkness, the moon, the wreckage of the car, the forest behind them. Jason tries to remember where he was before, and the place shifts back to where he and Percy had sparred. His face was wet, a mix of tears and sweat.

"I s-see Percy, m-my hoodie and shirt on the ground, t-the forest, campers around me, a-and Chiron." Jason's voice was soft, but Percy seems to hear it nice and clear.

"All right, you're improving, I guess. Name four things you can touch."

Jason feels the ground beneath him, and he feels his hands claw the soft ground below him. His other hand goes up Percy's hair, all soft and silky and wet under his touch. The hand feeling the ground touches up to Jason's glasses, which he hadn't taken off since the sparring had began. He clenches his fists; after all, it counts as touching himself.

His breathing steadies for a bit, but his crying is still non-stop.

"I guess that counts as touching. Name three things you can hear."

Jason's mind then gives him the answer of Beryl's voice, the rustling of winds and his own crying. Then he hears the whispers of Percy Jackson, and Chiron's trotting nearing them. He exhales as he answers Percy the things he's currently hears now.

"Great. Name two things you can smell."

Jason Grace always thought that everything has a smell, from pages of the books to even the weather. He would always breathe in the winds around him whenever he flies; color-less, but it is full of smells from all over the state, or in the continent, or over the world as he goes high up. As a child, he had dreamt of flying through outer space, but now, after so many years of bittersweet memories, he wants to fly up to the sky and purposefully drop without any winds to abide him.

Jason breathes in and out in a slower rate as he tousles Percy's hair again. He can smell Percy's breath, always smelling of saltwater due to his parentage. He can also smell nectar, which was being held by Chiron. The centaur knows that neither nectar nor ambrosia can heal lasting wounds and scars; in another note, Jason had wanted to over-consume nectar so he can disintegrate into nothingness.

"Your goddamn saltwater breath and the nectar Chiron is holding."

Percy's face turns to one of embarrassment, and the corners of Jason's mouth turn upward. It wasn't a smile, but that's all Percy's going to get from someone who is still having a panic attack. 

"Alright, name one thing you can taste."

This is the last one, not counting the other one Jason likes to repeat. He sits up, breathing shakily, as he surveys everyone around here, who was looking at him patiently. His heart was hammering, as he realized that everyone was _staring_ at him and his scars and his panic attacks-

He focuses on Percy's sea green eyes, waiting for him to answer him. He can feel blood on his fingernails, after clawing at the dirt for so long. He puts one in his mouth, and he is flooded with _ecstasy_.

"Blood."

Percy gives him a weird look. " _Right._ "

Jason looks at Percy with an unreadable expression as he stands up, his heart relaxing for a bit until he is face-to-face with Chiron himself. He gulps. He knows he's going to have a talk with Chiron sooner or later. He just can't seem to vent to anyone else about his situation, about everything he has ever been in, even if most of the campers here have experienced the same thing, even if Percy and Annabeth experienced _worse_.

Is he... a _bad person_?

Chiron looks at him with a concerned expression. "Jason, shall we..."

"No", Jason snaps, making the centaur step back at the firmness of his student's voice. Without another word, he gets his sword, gathers his clothes, puts his glasses on his face, and goes back to his cabin. Too bad he didn't bring his pack of cigarettes. He will just have to curl up at the corner of his cabin and cry, knowing that he has failed the campers of Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter, to know that he isn't the perfect hero everyone is supposed to believe, to feel comfortable, to get comforted.

He spent all his life comforting people and trying to make people happy when even he himself is not even happy.

He sighs as his finger sparks with electricity, and he looks at it with his sad blue eyes. He wants to electrocute himself, but some people he knows don't want that to happen to him. So he clings on to life and everything else that it has to offer to him.

* * *

He goes back to his boarding school in Sunday morning, after sneaking off from the harpies and the eyes of Chiron. He unlocks his door, his heart thumping, expecting one of his delusions to pop out from his bed or anywhere, really, summoning his lightning, crackling and lighting through his finger tips.

No one was there.

Jason lets his guard down as he takes his box of cigarettes and lighter, lights one cigarette to smoke his feelings out. He looks under his bed and in his cupboards to find nothing but dust. Well, that means that he's going to the convenience store to get some. He should probably get more stimulants if he wants to survive another fuck-load of school.

Jason leaves his dorm with his money to get everything he needed; recreational and food he really needs, and also a visit to the gym.

He walks through the aisles of food in the convenience store, deciding what would be price-y and what would cost less when he walks into _him_ , when he was reaching for a bag of chips. His heart stops when he is confronted with Percy, who was looking at him with raised eyebrows.

Jason clears his throat, unable to start a conversation pleasantly. "Percy."

Percy nods, a soft smile crossing on his face. "Jason. What's up?"

"Um, nothing much, just shopping for food", Jason replies, trying to keep his voice steady. This was the person who had helped him with his panic attack yesterday; Piper never knew about his attacks, hence Percy is the only one to coax him out of them.

"And going to a drug den to buy 'you know what'?" Jason stops, mouth agape as he looks as Percy Jackson, whose smile is now a frown.

Percy walks forward, putting his hands on Jason's broader shoulders (he has always prided himself for his build), his face near Jason's flustered one.

"How do you know?", Jason asks. Percy sighs, pulling his ebony hair back.

Jason is always mesmerized by Percy's appearance, be it him in a shirt or shirtless, he'll always make Jason feel... _something_ inside of him, something uncontrollable and limitless. Percy's sea green eyes settle on him, his eyes full of some kind of troublemaking but serious glint, his hands hidden in his AHS jacket. His lips were in a firm line, and Jason wishes it would go back to that slight curve, to that troublemaker smile he is fond of.

"I've been there as well", Percy says in a serious tone. "Buying drugs from anonymous sites, smoking, getting panic attacks and shit... listen, you're not the only one going through this stuff."

"I know", Jason replies, eyes downcast. Thoughts start to warp his mind; about how he is selfish, about how he is not the only one going through this, how more people had it worse than him, how everyone always expected him to be the hero they wanted him to be-

"You know what you need? A break from your school", Percy takes Jason's arm, as they first purchase their items and wait for it to be put into paper bags.

* * *

Percy's room was _way_ better than Jason's dorm, layout and cleanliness like. The blue walls work quite pleasant to look at, the blue curtains and bed sheets compliment the room a lot. His books were stacked on a desk with a laptop, his bag on the bed, looking untouched.

His room was so clean that it _hurts_ Jason's eyes. His dorm would never be like his.

Percy was right in front of him, sitting on the edge of his thoroughly fixed bed. He smiles at Jason as he silently asks him to sit with him. Jason reluctantly joins Percy on his bed, sort of sitting but sort of standing as well.

"Right", Percy whispers. "So, what's been bothering you?"

"I've bothered myself for years", Jason replies. "But after visiting Odysseus' palace when trying to snoop for information about she-who-must-not-be-named, I've been getting hallucinations and dreams about my... m-mom, Beryl Grace, is always trying to make me join her in wherever she is in the Underworld. She's a mania now."

Percy looks at him with concerned eyes, and Jason wishes that he could stop that now, why is he doing that, Percy himself doesn't want to be met with concerned eyes, so why is he even doing that?

"Don't look at me like that", Jason snaps. "If you don't want others to look at you the way you're looking at me, don't look at me like that."

The corners of Percy's mouth curves upwards, his eyebrows lifting. "Fine."

Jason sighs, removing his eyeglasses from his face. On contrary, he functions quite well without any glasses, he just has trouble seeing things from afar. Percy's face was still quite clear. "Thanks for fetching me from the store. I don't _even_ want to go back to my dormitory."

The son of Poseidon shrugs a bit. "Seems like most of your body parts agree with that." He looks at Jason's too short nails, which he had used while trying to scratch an exit from a delusion of Beryl (no surprise). "Seriously, what the fuck have you been doing to yourself?"

"You said it yourself: smoking, buying drugs, panic attacks, delusions, nightmares", Jason waves his arms to emphasize his point, and Percy rolls his eyes, smirking. He _loves_ Percy's smirk, and always will.

"Yeah, but that's a _lot_ of bruises", Percy says. "I get it; I've been cutting myself since elementary, I've been having panic attacks alone in my room ever since Smelly Gabe-" He falters at that sentence, breathing a bit, before continuing- "started to live with us. I still haven't stopped that habit even after we... got _rid_ of him."

"I know how that feels", Jason replies. "I've been scrutinized by people in Camp Jupiter for joining the Fifth Cohort. Hell, I've heard people talking about me as if they were _right_ , and I was so fucking _wrong_ about the Fifth Cohort. One day I had enough and snapped on three guys that were older than me."

Sea green eyes meet his electric blue ones. "What did you do?"

Jason hadn't thought about this for a long time; he had kept it inside of his brain, obscured by more important memories, but he remembers that day perfectly, when he stopped being as visible as a stone slate, and was a magnet to therapists everywhere.

"I killed them." He says in such a simple way, as if it was second nature to him now.

Percy blinks. "You _what_?"

Jason sighs. "I killed them. It was my first time knowing that we're all mortal, that I just killed three people older than me with a simple burst of lightning. I was six at that time."

"Holy fucking shit, Jason", Percy says. "That's kind of messed up."

"Most of my childhood was", Jason replies. "Got sent to a therapist afterwards. Like, a _lot_ of therapists. Stayed in New Rome's ward for a year until my eighth birthday came up." He starts to fiddle with his glasses.

Percy nods absently. "Gods, Grace. Have you ever believed that your childhood would've been saved if you hadn't killed those kids?"

Jason Grace stops to think about it. What _would've_ happened if he hadn't killed those three? Would he live a normal life in the Fifth Cohort? Would he not have outstand all the other campers there? Would he be bothered by the fact that people would always pressurize him to be in any cohort other than the cohort he chose? The answer was _Yes_ , or No, if he thinks about it in a pessimistic way.

"It kind of depends", Jason replies. "Sometimes, maybe, this is what the Fates wanted. But I wanted the life I had before killing those three assholes. Then the gods decide to meddle with my mind, implant the thought of killing them. And well, I'm here next to you."

Percy smiles genuinely at that; something as rare as Jason crying in public. "Gods love to meddle with our lives."

Jason laughs. "Hear, hear."

And they lay on top of the bed sheets, topics ever-changing as their lives are in multiple fragments by now. This was quite pleasant, and Jason loves being in the company of others. His interest in Percy develops even further.


	2. we've been here forever, and here's the frozen proof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason is invited by his teammates to sabotage a party where Percy is attending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like making these, so have another one!  
> title is Centuries by Fall Out Boy

Jason's alarm clock rings five times in the morning, and five times he makes his snooze, until he realizes that _fuck_ , it was a Monday today and teachers are strict during Mondays. He looks at the time and swears- it's seven-thirty fucking Christ this is not a pleasant Monday morning for him.

His usual Monday morning- which basically consisted of eating whatever he can find in his cupboards and stimulant drugs- will simply have to be moved to Tuesdays. Jason can't say that it was Percy's fault for making him late- it was clearly his decision to stay with him up until midnight. His boarding school was a three hours walk so he ends up sleeping at four in the morning after taking something that puts him to sleep.

He runs through hallways and corridors, looking at each sign to find which classroom are which. Finally, he finds his designated classroom and knocks politely. He, unsurprisingly, is faced with a teacher who scolds at him for about an hour, until he is given a detention slip. Teachers. He can never understand them.

Listening to teachers and deciphering the letters on the board was hard. Due to ADHD, his mind would always zone out, or fiddle with his glasses or let his legs bounce until his classmate gets irritated enough or if the teacher reprimands him for such behavior in her class. Due to dyslexia, he can't fucking see the letters as they float over the board, always and forever shuffling, and he grips his pen as he tries to write the words on his notebook.

At last, lunch settles and his grumbling stomach can't take it anymore as he sprints down the halls and into the cafeteria where he is the first in line. He sits down with his teammates in basketball, as he never even considers these fuckers his friends. They were all the most intimidating people in school, the worst of the worst. Jason felt ashamed of sitting with them, but they don't mind him. They will only notice him during court hours, whenever he does something outstanding, but during lunch and events, they disregard him, as if he's some sort of a ragdoll.

But it looks like today, they wish to talk to their teammate.

"Hey, Grace, you know some sites where we can get dexing and shit?", one of his teammates ask. Jason sighs; sometimes his teammates are unbearable to be with. But one of Jason's favorite qualities about himself is that he's a _really_ good liar (from his point of view, of course).

"Fuck no", he replies. "Why the hell are you asking me that?"

"Dunno, you look like the type of guy to go and buy drugs." Jason drinks a cup of water to ease himself about their whole impression of him. It _is_ true, but he doesn't want them to have the guilty pleasure that they are right.

"Well, I don't", Jason replies, and the whole table go back to their conversations, once again treating Jason Grace as an invisible force. But he doesn't really care, as long as they don't bother him.

Jason didn't know how the hell he got into a conversation with a cheerleader; he was just sitting on the bleachers watching his teammates practice, when suddenly a girl sits down beside him and starts to babble about how _nice_ and _attractive_ Jason looks. Needless to say, he is very uncomfortable with this type of situation, especially when the girl kisses him on the cheek as a goodbye. She doesn't even go to this school (how the hell did a girl sneak into an _all-boys-boarding-school_?), and Jason is not comfortable with this physical contact.

His teammates were laughing as they reach him, and it turns to tiny chuckles when they face Jason Grace.

"Were you hitting on Mae, Jason Grace?", one of teammates ask him in a condescending manner, and he does not reply quickly. To be hit on by a girl wasn't uncommon, but his asshole teammates are always going to tease him for it. Sometimes he wanted to strangle them with his bare hands until they break and beg him for forgiveness over and over again.

But he doesn't, because he is stronger than that. It's just a few insults.

"Anyway", one of his teammates-Jacob- says, and he is forced back to listen to a meaningless conversation about girls and basketball. "Cyrus invited us to wreck havoc on an AHS party this Friday."

Jason is now listening. Percy is in AHS, and they're planning to crash other people's revelry for _fun_. What are they, a fraternity to sabotage and do whatever they want, without any consequences? From what Jason knows, the school he's attending and AHS have some bitter rivalry going on, and he never knew why. He asked his classmates about it, but they were in the dark just as Jason is. Jason leaves them to talk about that party as he gathers his things and goes back to his dorm rooms, in which he has his occasional dinner.

It was only five in the afternoon, but he feels exhausted as he dials one of the pizza deliveries and boils a kettle full of water on his kitchenette. As he waits, he opens the windows as he lights up a cigarette and starts smoking. This is his routine every day, every week, every month after Leo's death and his and Piper's break-up. Smoking makes him calm, but not to the prospect of forgetting everything, even if he wants to. Then there're the drugs that keep him productive and stimulated, and he has no regrets buying them.

He blows smoke out the window to the fresh spring air of April, looking at the sun and its mesmerizing beauty, as Apollo rides his chariot 'til night. The soft breeze relaxes Jason a bit, until car horns start to blare and he looks down to see a traffic jam right in the corner. Traffic jam is almost as bad as most of his classmates if not worse. The cars' noises would continue to the night and Jason doesn't want that. He sighs, putting his cigarette on an ashtray as someone knocks on the door.

Five minutes later, he is enjoying his slice of Hawaiian pizza and his cup of tea. Nico di Angelo had taught him how to make tea, and he is grateful for it. Needless to say, Jason feels regret for not visiting him yesterday. He had loved Leo Valdez, and to find out that he is in love with another and has died, he had locked himself in his cabin. Only Jason and Will Solace, a son of Apollo, were allowed to see him.

He groans, still feeling guilty. Why the hell did he keep himself locked up in his cabin without even visiting Nico di Angelo? He is in a worse condition than him and mourns a lover than a friend.

_Next week_ , Jason reminds himself as he closes the slice of pizza and puts it on his fridge, going to his desk to start working on his school works. He sighs as he is confronted with thousands of pages he tries to understand, but ultimately does only one page of his essay as he quickly thinks _fuck it_ and goes to sleep, closing the lights.

The only thing accompanying him for tonight is the creeping edge of loneliness. His dreams are infested with Percy Jackson, and he sighs in a dreamy kind of way. Jason tries to shake the image of Percy off his mind, him sparring, him consoling him during his panic attack, and Percy and Jason comforting each other from the depths of their broken mind. But Jason Grace's mind could never get rid of those images, and it's driving him mad throughout the entire week.

The entire week goes in a routine manner: cigarettes and leftovers for breakfast, completing his homework and running towards his class before the bell rings, lunch with assholes, basketball practices, and cigarettes and delivered food all over again. Jason is used to this routine, finally being a nobody than a somebody at school and getting as little attention as a flea under his elbow. It was nice and somewhat relieving from the reputation he gets in both Camps Jupiter and Half-Blood. It's not like he _dislikes_ getting most of their attention, per se, but he wishes to not be gawked and stared at by anyone he meets along the way. He can't help but notice something in his cycle of his life. But his life seems to have fallen to a _maddening_ routine that he can't escape, and only witness for himself.

He doesn't regret it, though.

The day of sabotaging that AHS party comes in Friday, and Jason still can't _believe_ that he signed up for this. He's trying to hide that the reason behind him going to a party where Percy _might_ be in - although he doubts that Percy Jackson would come to a party - he's still nervous of humiliating himself in front of him. This coming from a guy who embarrassed himself on his first night at Camp Half-Blood by telling everyone how hot Piper was (it was still in his mind and it _never_ leaves him). He and his basketball teammates and other people from each sports club, were gathered near the venue where the AHS students were partying.

According to everyone, he was supposed to create a distraction - that reminds him of War Games and Capture the Flag in both camps - while the others sabotage the party's drinks and whatever the loving fuck they wish to do to make everyone's night shit. Jason is particularly not down with this plan, but, what's done is done. He was just here to meet Percy, and if he wasn't there, well; this would be embarrassing on Jason's behalf. And something in his heart tells him that he'd be disappointed.

"Right, so everyone gets what the plan is supposed to be?", his teammate, Jacob, asks. Everyone nods, and they all walk off to a different direction.

Jason decides to walk around the party venue, absorbing all of the noises inside the building. He sees people laughing, dancing and drinking, and he wishes that he can be just as upbeat as them. He doesn't see Percy in the clusters of people, and that's kinda good. He might see him on top of the stairs, or a _room..._

Jason shrugs that off. Just the thought of Percy, with a woman, is horrendous for Jason Grace. Annabeth had left Percy a while ago, after the Tartarus crap came running in full circle, and Percy looks and acts like he's _fine_ , but Jason knows he's not, it's a frontier that he has on himself like how Jason has one. None of his true feelings should get past the walls he had built upon himself.

And he oh so failed that.

Jason shakes himself away from these thoughts; he has more important things to do. By more important things to do, he means the dumbest shit he's going to do. Paranoia creeps into him, fresh and cruel. He's going to make a fool of himself in front of strangers. Jason sighs, adjusting his glasses as he finds a backdoor, only to lead into the kitchen. Not that bad.

He tries to become as invisible as a bulky blonde guy could get, steam from food rises towards his glasses, and, frustratingly enough, it's become blurry to see without them. For the past few months on wearing glasses, he starts to lose his vision every few months, and he needs to get new glasses. He sighs as he wipes the fog off his glasses, as he opens the door to the party venue, to where the _shit gets real_.

The boom of music makes him jump; he was used to the slow and relaxing music of each camp at every party. Dancing is a normal routine for a party, but he's never seen wild dancing like these before, a hundred thousand colors passing over him, bright lights and disco balls making him dizzy, spinning around like a top. He's knees _wobble_ because of how overwhelming being here in the party is. He was used to those calm yet really nice parties he has in Camp Jupiter and Half-Blood, but this looks like an animal's den.

Jason Grace, hit with the case of wobbly knees because he witnesses a party at full volume.

He sighs, searching from the sea of faces, trying to spot Percy, seemingly forgetting his job at hand. He didn't forget it; he just wants to stall before he confronts his asshole friends about the whole party. Seriously, how the fuck would they take pleasure in ruining someone's party?

Jason finally spots Percy Jackson, on top of the staircase, holding a Red Solo cup and talking to a girl. He was wearing a white sweater and blue jeans, his messy black hair... well, still messy. He was leaning on the railings, ready to come down. Jason can't help his heart, as it stops from beating entirely when faced with _Percy Jackson_. His fascination with him will never cease to be entertaining, nor will it end.

Now that he has seen what he wants to see, with a casual wave of his hand, the sound of thunder rumbles outside. Everyone is silenced by the fact a storm is now brewing outside (not really), and people start to chatter amongst themselves; but Jason's eyes focus on Percy, who wasn't leaning anymore and dismisses the girl she was talking to look outside instead. Jason creates another boom of thunder, this time silencing everyone for good.

And then he sees his classmates jump out of the dark, all holding objects that might get them compared to a toddler. Jason Grace sees that his work is done, he walks away as his teammates wreck havoc on the dance floor, back to where he had entered.

Until a warm hand touches his shoulder.

He whirls around as fast as lightning, to find Percy Jackson standing in front of him. Jason exhales, remembering he was still in the party. Percy's face is morphed to a light scowl, the kind where someone is upset because they broke the remote control. It seems that he isn't _that_ upset at Jason and his friends crashing his party, but is upset because he's ruined what must be one of the only fun nights Percy has.

"I knew you were at the party the moment I heard thunder booming outside." Percy grabs Jason's hand, and the blonde can't help but panic at the thought of someone as nice as Percy touching them in a hard and harsh manner surges throughout his mind, and he retracts his hand away from the ebony haired boy. Percy gives him a questioning look, then his eyes widen in understanding. He looks back at the crowd of his classmates, who were now being pulverized by Jason's classmates. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine", Jason replies. "I want to get out of here."

Percy nods. "Yeah, let's go."

They go through the backdoor, still full of cooks and the smell of food and steam that fogs Jason's glasses again. Percy chuckles as they finally got out of the building, looking at Jason Grace whose glasses have been steamed. Jason doesn't know if it's funny, but since Percy thinks it's funny, then it _must_ be funny.

"So, are you going home now?", Percy asks, looking at Jason with some kind of _hope_ in his eyes.

Jason has not packed up money for his journey (stupid), and his boarding school is too far away from this building for him to walk. He's too tired, it's midnight, and he's yearning for a smoke or inhaling something not suitable for children. And he wants to stay with Percy for some reason, but he just doesn't know how to say it in words.

"Uh, I don't have money for taxi", Jason says with the saddest excuse he can think of.

"That's all right, I can drive you there."

"No!" Jason clears his throat as he realizes he's spoken louder than normal volume. "I don't really want to go back to my boarding school yet."

"Why?"

"I dunno, I just... it's complicated. Can I stay with you, just this night?"

Jason facepalms himself in his mind; talk about being honest with Percy. Instead of denying his request however, Percy smiles and nods. Jason's heart beats faster, as he follows Percy to the building's parking area, in which he spots a car that belongs to Percy. 

"Wait", Jason says. "Haven't you been drinking during the party? Isn't it not safe to drive?" 

Percy shrugs. "Eh, only had one glass. We'll be _fine_ , Jason, I'll make sure of it." Percy turns the keys and opens the car door. Jason opens the door on the other side and sits on the front seat, right beside Percy, who was sitting on the driver's seat.

Jason has been in a car before, in Camp Jupiter's SUV's. They were really nice, but the air smells like vomit, and the air conditioner does not make it any better. Either he or Reyna drives their vehicles, even if they're too underage. Percy starts the car, and he starts to drive. Jason can't help but look at his surroundings, on how pretty and beautiful the lights are in New York.

But beauty hides the ugliness within each building.

* * *

"Mom, Dad, this is Jason Grace, one of my friends", Percy says, introducing Jason to his parents- Sally Jackson and Paul Blowfis.

He feels awkward; being around other people, especially when he thinks he is setting on foreign ground and is treated by a stranger. But he did not expect the warm hands and arms of Sally Jackson embracing him, and Paul smiling warmly at him. Percy was also holding a bundle of blankets, and that must be the new addition to the family- Estelle Blofis. Percy is so lucky for having parents like Sally Jackson and Paul Blofis.

"You're welcome to stay here anytime your school is giving you a hard time", Sally says in a warm voice, and he finds himself smiling at her. Percy laughs, as he puts Estelle back into Sally's arms after she's stopped embracing Jason (Jason now misses the warmth in his arms) and he follows Percy back to his bedroom.

As Jason sits on the bed, Percy opens one of his drawers to take out rolls of tobacco. He smirks at Jason as the blonde eyes them with delight.

"Let's get high together", Percy says, giving him one roll.

"I've been waiting for this all night", Jason replies, as he lies down the bed along with Percy. He looks at the clock- it was past midnight.

"You get high every night?", Percy asks, exhaling smoke through his mouth.

"It's a daily routine." Jason shrugs, taking off his glasses and putting them on Percy's desk. Percy's bed was comfortable, unlike that hard rock that is Jason's bed. Although, it's entirely his fault to why it's such a lumpy mess; he puts his blueprints, things and food under the bed, of course it's going to get uncomfortable to sleep in. And it smells like Percy, saltwater but sweet.

"That's unhealthy."

"Percy, everything we ever do is, like, unhealthy."

The black haired boy nods. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

A comfortable silence lapses around them, and Jason is comfortable with it.

"How're your blueprints going?"

"They're going good. I burnt the first draft because they weren't perfect." It was a half-truth- the other reason why is that Piper broke up with him. Since nothing is perfect in this world, not even him nor his relationship with Piper, his blueprints aren't perfect as well.

"Metal."

"I guess."

So they lie there, until they're fluently high, until they're too tired to continue the conversation. Percy puts out his stick, and Jason follows behind him, throwing it in the trash bin. Jason lies on the cold, hard floor, because he doesn't _deserve_ the bed, until Percy's voice cuts through the cruel voices inside Jason's head.

"Jason, lie in bed with me."

Jason sits up, looking at Percy, who looks high, but at the same time, doesn't.

"What?" Jason asks.

"Lie in my bed. It's too cold down there on the floor."

Jason wanted to deny. This was his bedroom, and that was _his_ bed. But there's this feeling inside of him where he wants to feel warmth, for the first time ever since Piper broke up with him. Jason knows he'll regret this in the morning, but that's future Jason's problem. Instead, he nods and curls right next to Percy, who puts his arm right on Jason's waist, much to his embarrassment, but also his excitement. He likes the warmth Percy's giving to him, and he doesn't want to let go, so he buries himself in Percy's blankets and revels in Percy's warmth.

Then he says something he's wanted to say to someone, and Percy seems like a person he can open up to.

"Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something real quick?"

"Yeah."

"I'm fucking lonely."

"You're not lonely when you have me."

With that, Percy buries his face on Jason's backside, into his shirt. Jason can't help but go red at the last sentence Percy has said. Jason holds the hand on his waist, loving the way it feels so warm. He wishes to learn more about Percy than the general consensus. He wishes to be friends with him, and to help him like how he had helped Jason with his panic attack.

He should thank him tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a kudos or comment on the work :)


	3. heaven has a place for those who pray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason Grace starts to develop... _a crush_ and is in denial.

_Jason Grace is in a white room, devoid of life except for him. He sits on the only chair in the room, which is, of course, white. He was in New Rome's ward, after murdering those assholes who dared insult his cohort. Jason looks at his palms, the ones that had summoned lightning, to shock them, to kill them all in one flash._

_Jason would have had pinned the murder of someone else, but they're not stupid, and Jason does not lie. He never lies. His blonde hair falls over his eyes, and he adjusts it back to its past position, away from his eyes. He can hear everything beyond this small, white room, its sickening walls blinding him for being too bright._

_They were going to kill him, execute him._

_Jason's palms are wet, due to anticipation and nervousness. He wants to die, but he also doesn't want to. He's a child, and he still is, despite the questionable things he has done in Camp Jupiter. He didn't want to be executed, but a part of his mind wants to die despite his beating heart, waiting for his sentence, hoping that they would spare him. Jason leans back and sighs, wanting those whispers to clear his mind, to **leave** him, but it seems they're strong enough to overpower Jason's mind._

_Yes, that was the time Jason starts to have these tiny voices inside his head, reviewing him, questioning his choices, and everything he does in the name of justice and his father. He wants them to stop, to stop spreading all these negative thoughts inside his head, to stop them from making him feel like a flea under all the pressure._

_Jason sits there, letting all these whispers flood on to his mind one by one, as the whispers outside his room become one with his insecurities._

* * *

Jason wakes up with a warm feeling on his waist, and he turns around to find Percy Jackson, still sound asleep. He almost makes a noise out of surprise, but silences himself at the last second. It'd be rude to wake Percy up, especially when he is on his bed, with Percy's arms wrapped around him. Jason carefully turns himself towards Percy, to not wake him up, but Percy's grip on him was tight as fuck.

Jason notices something on Percy's face; trails of tears leading from his eyes all the way down his chest. The blonde wants to go, to leave his apartment because he's overstaying, but something in his brain- not heart - tells him not to leave yet, to guard the son of Poseidon until he wakes up.

Obviously, the guy was having a bad dream, like Jason. It must be about Tartarus.

But how can he be so silent, that Jason could hardly hear a thing? Jason sighs and puts his arms around Percy. Now they look like some kind of couple, except they're _not_ , and never will be. Jason feels so warm and _content_ to be enveloped by someone for a long time. He does not smile, but the corners of his lips _do_ turn upwards, and he accepts this feeling of warmth.

He stays like that, closing his eyes as he imagines being friends with Percy Jackson; car rides every sunset, drinks and dinner every night, sparring every Saturday and Sunday, smiling and being _happy_ to have a person in his life. He snuggles closer to him, and he can hear the cadence of his breathing and the soft rhythm of his heartbeat.

Percy was so goddamn warm, that Jason didn't want this moment to end.

Of course, out of all the things Jason didn't want to end, it does when Percy's alarm clock starts to ring, disturbing the silence of the room. Percy jolts awake, and Jason inwardly sighs. He silently swears at the alarm clock, and the feeling of warmth is replaced by that usually cold feeling inside his chest. Percy yawns, and Jason sits up. Percy's eyes were red due to crying in his sleep. He turns and faces Jason and smiles, the familiar feeling of warmth returning to his chest.

"Morning", Percy says. "Did my alarm clock wake you?"

"I-I was already awake." Jason inwardly scolds himself, hoping that Percy doesn't hear the stutter.

"'Aight", Percy says. "My mom and dad are probably making breakfast now, so let's fix the bed and go eat."

Jason nods and he silently gets up and starts to fix the bed, with thoughts running around in his mind, especially when Percy is in close proximity, and that he and Jason got _high_ the other night, resulting in one of Jason's big regrets.

_"I'm fucking lonely."_

Jason frowns when he remembers those words hitting him at the back of his mind. That has to be one of the most embarrassing things he's said to anyone. Why the hell did he open up to someone who either doesn’t care, or has time for his problems? Percy Jackson is trying to lead a normal life and get good grades, babysit his baby sister Estelle, and try to get over his experience in Tartarus. He doesn't have _time_ for Jason Grace; he's another nuisance in his life.

"Hey, are you alright?", and there it is; the voice of concern Jason admires.

Jason turns and tries to nod; he was fine, he consoles himself. Even if he isn't, he would always look fine, even around other people. But the look on Percy's face was absolute _concern_ , and Jason can't help but think about the alternate possibilities of telling Percy Jackson all of his insecurities, ranging from one of him comforting the blonde (his favorite possible outcome), to one of completely disregarding his feelings all together (least favorite possible outcome).

"Oh, I'm fine." _There._ It wasn't that hard to say those words, Jason. The son of the sea god smiles slightly, before going nearer and embracing him.

There it is. The warmth that had surged towards Jason whenever Percy is around, but ten times warmer, like their embrace last night. Its warmth is like the hot summer air, hot but content on Jason's skin, Percy's calloused arms bringing him closer to the others' body. Percy always had an average build, unlike Jason, who has worked his entire life until he was some sort of Greek statue that everyone seemed to admire everywhere. Yet, his body is not perfect. The scars speak for him, forever and ever, and Jason doesn't plan on stopping, vandalizing his skin, ruining it until all that is left of him is a piece of scarred meat.

Jason embraces Percy, smiling in a content way as he tightens his grip on him. His interest in him develops further, as he buries his face into Percy's shirt, which smelled like the sea; salty. He didn't want this moment to end, but he needs this moment to end. He breaks the hug, and Percy gives him a confused look.

"Sorry, but, uh, I need to get to Camp." Jason mentally slaps himself for such a half-assed excuse. Percy _literally_ goes to Camp Half-Blood to teach little children.

"Well, we can go together." Percy's smile is _contagious_ , it always is, like a person sneezing at someone else so they can get sick too, and Jason Grace smiles brightly at him.

Sally Jackson and Paul Blofis, gods bless them, offers him breakfast, and lets him sit on their table. Instead of immediately eating, Jason stares at them, many thoughts racing his mind. He tells himself he's not hungry, despite his stomach, growling, _begging_ , to Jason to eat real food and not those carbonated and delivered foods he has always had eaten ever since the start of the year. His stomach begging for food also reminds him of his lungs begging for him to stop smoking.

He gulps down whatever fears he had on eating a single piece of toast, and eats a bite out of it. Suddenly, he is asking for more, eating more of the toast with jelly covering it, thinking it was the _best_ food he has ever tasted. Nectar and ambrosia don't leave up to _toast_.

After he and Percy finish breakfast, they got up on Percy's car and start to drive to the way of Camp Half-Blood. They pass cities and crowds, traffic lights and cars, the Empire State Building, in its godly glory. They were all so beautiful, yet so very, very ugly. The gray skies seem to agree with Jason. He looks at the boy beside him, who was focused on the road, and he didn't dare interrupt him. They all have ADHD, and once someone snaps out of their focus then it's game over.

They finally reach Camp Half-Blood, and, after saying his goodbyes to Percy, he goes on to his merry way to Cabin Thirteen, also known as Hades' cabin. Many demigods usually dislike going near Nico di Angelo's cabin, due to its unwelcome atmosphere and its dark colors. Jason would always roll his eyes at their stupidity. Son of Hades or not, Nico is still their family. Jason had been _ecstatic_ to have found out that Nico was a son of Pluto, and he was still ecstatic about him being a cousin, an older brother, to someone else.

He knocks on the door, waiting for Nico's response. He's learned privacy matters, after Nico decked him while having a nightmare, so he knocks on Nico's door and waits for the confirmation that yes, he can come in and comfort him. There was a soft noise from behind the door, so Jason takes it as confirmation and comes in, to see Nico's cabin in a complete and utter mess.

Jason sighs as he walks over bags of chips, real chips, and basically clothes thrown from Nico's bed and into the floor, piling one by one until they became a mountain in the sea of mess they are swimming in. He sits on the edge of Nico's bed, somehow the only thing clean in this room, and Nico covered in blankets.

"Hey, Nico, it's me", Jason says.

"Yeah, I know, I let you in", Nico replies, still as snarky as ever. Jason rolls his eyes, smiling fondly at the person he always thought of as his younger brother. Nico would always lock himself up every morning, until someone calls him to breakfast, and after that, locks himself up again until someone call him for lunch.

Just by looking at how Nico is now, Jason can't help but _blame_ Leo for the way he up and left his boyfriend to be with Calypso or some bullshit like that. Nico seems to be looking at something, since his head is bowing down. Jason looks over Nico's shoulder to see a picture frame of him and Leo, smiling together and having a good time. Combined with the heartbreak and Nico's trauma over Tartarus, he became a stone slate, not letting emotions escape his face and voice whenever talking to a stranger. Sometimes, he hides them even in front of his friends, and Jason doesn't really mind it. After all, he hides his feelings like a bank storing money until he gets back to his dorm, takes doses of drugs, and collapses on the couch like the repulsive asshole he is.

"He's alive", Jason says.

"Yeah."

"Once he comes back here, punch him on the face."

Nico huffs out a laugh. "Maybe I'll do that."

"Not 'maybe'. You should. Asshole up and left you for someone he just met."

"Well, maybe _Calypso_ is better than me. Maybe I'm just a fucking toy he used so he and me can overcome our loneliness together."

"And that's like, stupid. Nico, _you're_ better than both of them." And he is; it's the truth. Leo is blind, even for a best friend. As much as Jason sympathizes with him, what he did to Nico was still a dick move. They both were dating to overcome the loneliness in their hearts, and Jason remembers Leo weeping, sobbing about how much loss there was in his entire life and he strives to fix it by treating Nico well, so that he won't be able to screw it up.

"Well, maybe I am."

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"Yeah." A shuffle, as Nico turns around to face the blonde. "Will forced me to come to breakfast."

Jason laughs. "As always."

Nico sighs. "Yeah. As always."

"How're you and Will?"

Nico sighs, but in a fond way. "He's treating me like a goddamn patient."

"Well, you are."

"And, uh, he's been taking care of me."

"I can see that."

Jason really liked Will Solace being around Nico di Angelo, whenever he and Percy Jackson weren't there. He was always that bright side of the road, the sun's healthy rays touching the earth, soothing it, making it warm. He's a healer, but he's both a doctor, and a psychiatrist, always there for the people in both camps. Jason doesn't mind whenever Will gets closer to Nico di Angelo. Suddenly, an idea pops into Jason's mind.

Jason smiles. Yeah, they'd be a good couple, to be honest.

"By the way", Nico speaks up. "You didn't visit me last week."

Jason stiffens. "Right, uh, sorry about that."

"Well, you were having a panic attack, so maybe it wasn't the best time to see me."

Jason visibly deflates, and _shame_ starts to crawl over his back. "Oh. You heard about that, huh?"

"Yeah."

They lapse into an awkward silence, with Jason fiddling with his fingers and biting his lower lip, while looking anywhere but Nico. Shame creeps over him, hovering over Jason, being _everywhere_ in the room. Darkness looms over him and he tries to walk by it, to ignore everything and suppress it to comfort Nico di Angelo and not the other way around. He shouldn't show weakness to someone, who's already broken and in need of comforting-

Nico touches Jason's palm. "Hey."

Jason looks at Nico's brown eyes. "Yeah?"

"Having a panic attack in public doesn't make you weak, Jason."

Jason scoffs. "Oh yeah? What does it make me?"

"A real person with real issues."

Jason knows that Nico was trying to be comforting, but he can't help but feel that he has failed all campers here, that he has failed to show that he is _invulnerable_ , a demigod sent from the heavens to make everyone's lives better. A flawless guardian, with no issues and thoughts of his personal life clouding his mind. A perfect personality. A perfect childhood.

That perfect childhood was ripped away from him when _she_ gave him away to the wolves.

"Yeah, maybe."

He and Nico sits there, trying to comfort each other by hugging, while they think about their past and how everything went wrong due to one small thing in their lives.

* * *

"Are you serious? You want to pair Nico di Angelo up with _Will Solace_?" Jason has no idea how he got into this conversation with Percy. First of all, they were talking about how hard school is, be it with the school works and such, then to how nice their exes were (Jason still thinks about Piper late at night), then promising to smoke weed with each other, and now, about him pairing Nico and Will up.

Jason quirks a brow. "What's wrong with Will?"

Percy starts waving his arms, as if attracting other birds in his wake. "Oh, I don't know. It's just... I don't think Nico's in the mood for a relationship right now."

"I know."

"So why try and pair him up?"

Jason kicks a patch of grass. "I don't know. I just want him to get over Leo."

"Yeah, that's kinda acceptable. Piper IM'ed me and told me she found Leo and his _girlfriend_."

Jason freezes at the name Piper. They haven't kept in touch ever since their breakup, but that's mainly Jason's fault; not picking up Piper's phone calls, or not answering her Iris Messages, not responding to her messages at all, because all Jason does is getting high and having delusions of his mother or having a nightmare about forgetting his memory again or his family dying. Jason wants to talk to Piper, but the fear of confrontation looms over him, tugging him back to the recesses of his mind as he tries hard not to fall.

"So, when are they coming back?"

Percy shrugs. "Dunno, but I would like to deck Leo."

Jason chuckles. "Me as well."

They both stare at the clean waters of the river, liking the way its current slosh and make waves, the noises it makes, the fish swimming along with the naiads. Jason had always loved nature, something that was always stuck on his mind when he was younger, always roaming around New Rome during his free times and breaks, and whenever he was at New Rome's ward he would always hope that he can go to the gardens.

Jason blinks at the thought of the Ward. It was never bad, but his time there wasn't _pleasant_ either. He remembers those nightmarish thoughts swimming across his mind, about the boys' souls and them haunting him, and waking up from those nightmares to lightning-shocked people. Being in one too many rooms with therapists, and hearing people's rumors about him. He wants to pay no mind, but he hears the distinct _fear_ in their voice, and Jason keeps thinking to himself that he did this to himself.

"What are you thinking about?" Percy's voice breaks through his surroundings, and he almost shocks the son of Poseidon, but, luckily enough, his aim was off. _If Percy had died, his blood would be on him._

"Oh, just the shrines I'm working on", Jason lies through his teeth. The last thing he wants this day is opening up to Percy about his adventures in New Rome ward.

Percy tilts his head, supposedly seeing through the lie, but brushing it off. "Oh, that's cool. You need help with that?"

Jason wants to spend more time with Percy Jackson, and, yes, he needs help with Kym and Triton's shrines, and he wants Percy's help to create a good shrine for them before he turns them in to the builders. He's been longing for the warmth he had shared with Percy, and it was making him churn inside, due to how foolish he is being. He is not falling in love, never will be. He is only in love with the dark thoughts inside his mind, weed and smoking, and that is all he will ever love.

Also, he didn't want to drag someone down with him due to how _self-destructive_ he is becoming.

"Yeah, I need help with Kym and Triton's shrine", Jason replies. "Can we meet here tomorrow?"

Percy smiles. "Oh, sure."

* * *

It is nighttime in New York. Jason has strayed from the road back to his boarding school, but he didn't even want to _be_ in there, no. He'd rather spend the rest of his days homeless in the streets, living in alleys and begging for food. Jason didn't know how he got to his fight; he goes to those drug dens in the city and starts to go high, his mind not working quite well, and he was also drunk. He had walked into one of the suburban _gangs_ in the _their_ alleys, and now he is surrounded with bodies, all of those he has beaten, except for one, the so-called strongest.

He has always loved picking fights with self-entitled people, belittling them, telling them that the world doesn't revolve around them, and it _doesn't_. Jason has won every single fight with them, to the point where they won't even try a one-on-one on him, and would ambush him; try to hit him until he is knocked unconscious on the ground.

That's what this group had done, and Jason is bruised and bloody. He was pretty sure they were all drunk and high like him, and he was _sure_ that the ice pick someone stabbed him with had rust on it. He'll go to a doctor eventually. Right now, he has a fight to win, and an asshole to fucking beat.

Jason spits out blood, and strikes out a punch on the surviving person. He is quite slow, and that means that Jason gets the upper hand, punching him, kicking him in the stomach, and finally giving him a punch that knocked the person unconscious. Jason stares and stands over the body, stepping and stomping on it, until he is sure that he broke some of his ribs, and claim victor.

Adrenaline drained shortly after, and all the things that didn't used to hurt hurts _now_ , like knives or sharp objects jabbing at him, puncturing his skin to reach his bones. His jaw hurts, his fists hurt, his eye hurts, _every area_ in his body hurts.

But it was worth it, fighting a lowly battle over the defenseless, fighting everyone in this city, and ignoring everything growing inside of him, something unhealthy, and ignoring his own conscience. He takes their bottles of cheap wine and cigarette boxes, and walks all the way to his boarding school, taking out his blueprints for Kym and Triton's shrines and putting him on his desk as he goes to the bathroom and tries to cover his wounds. He looks at his swollen eye, one that was hit during a fight.

How can he lie about the eye, or the bruised fists? He asks himself as he closes his bathroom lights, sit on his burnt bed, and take out a cigarette and start smoking, staring at the gray ceiling, which was as gray and boring as him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of the chapter is from Mrs. Robinson.  
> also, thank you for reading! comments and kudos are appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> also some of Jason's backstory can be applied to these works:  
> [all my wolves begin to howl, oh wake me up the time is now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18298262)  
> [the fear of falling apart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324557)


End file.
